Post by Taaru Masako on Jul 29, 2009 13:40:58 GMT -5
We all like Star Wars a lot. The fact that we dedicate so much of our time towards fictional characters ins fictional settings says as much. But we also enjoy the ridiculousness that Lucas' universe presents.
Since a lot of folks may not have much of a reason to be RPing at the moment, either because they can't invest the time or aren't part of any major storylines, I figured I should open up a thread that folks can visit in passing.
And since I enjoy a good laugh, I figured I'd approach the humor angle (also because I have fond memories of the "Star Wars Quotes" thread on starwars.com, back in the day).
Thus, to get the party rolling, I present you with Kyle Katarn Facts!
1) Underneath Kyle Katarn's beard, there is no chin - Just another Bryar pistol.
2) In Dark Forces I and II, if Kyle Katarn is killed, he respawns. This is not a game mechanic, but historical fact.
3) In space, no one can hear you scream...except for Kyle Katarn, which is why he makes you do it.
4) The Sun Crusher was developed as a humane alternative to Kyle Katarn.
5) Kyle Katarn wins at Dejarik by using initiative: He pulls the arms off of wookies first.
6) FOX wanted to make an Aliens vs. Predator vs. Kyle Katarn movie. The movie never got made, because - let's be honest - no one wants to see a 13 second movie.
7) Kyle Katarn eats Ewoks and osiks lightsaber crystals.
8) Stormtrooper armor isn't camouflaged as a courtesy to Kyle Katarn. Stormtroopers realize they are simply delaying the inevitable, and don't want to waste Kyle's precious time.
9) In Dark Forces II, inputting certain keywords allows Kyle to fly, become invincible and use both sides of the Force to their full potential. This is called "cheat mode" in the game, but more accurately it is called "historical reenactment mode"
10) When Obi-Wan said that the Force surrounds us, penetrates us and binds the galaxy together, he was actually talking about Kyle Katarn. I'll let you figure out the details.
11) Kyle does not have visions of the future. This would imply the future is "revealing" itself to Kyle. Kyle tells the future what it's going to do, and it very damn well does it. The only thing that spontaneously reveals itself to Kyle are women. And he makes that happen, too.
12) Kyle Katarn doesn't know any other languages but Basic. If Kyle is listening to a non-Basic speaker, he turns on the subtitles. All non-Basic speakers quickly learn to understand Kyle, or else.
13) If you are holding a blaster to Kyle Katarn's head, NEVER count to 3. Instead, count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
14) Kyle Katarn never retreats. He simply attacks in the opposite direciton.
15) There's no use crying over spilled blue milk. Unless it's Kyle Katarn's blue milk. Oh, you are so kriffed...
16) There is the wrong way, the right way, and the Kyle Katarn way. It's basically the right way, but faster, with a portable turbolaser, and more dead stormtroopers.
17) As a child, Kyle Katarn taught his dog to play dead....once
18) Kyle Katarn's beard IS the death sentence in 12 systems.
19) Before Greedo ever confronted Han in the Mos Eisley cantina, Kyle Katarn had already shot Greedo first. Greedo was simply too stunned by how awesome it was, that it took him a while to fully realize it.
20) Sarlaccs are actually tapeworms, after they pass through Kyle Katarn.
21) Tatooine used to be a thriving ocean planet. But one day, Kyle Katarn got thirsty.
22) Kyle Katarn jumped the Kessel Run. He doesn't understand why people are so impressed.
23) The armor on AT-ATs is too strong for blasters. It is NOT too strong for Kyle Katarn's beard.
24) There is no emotion; there is Kyle Katarn.
There is no ignorance; there is Kyle Katarn.
There is no passion; there is Kyle Katarn.
There is no chaos; there is Kyle Katarn.
But there IS death --- it's Kyle Katarn.
25) Kyle Katarn won't sell you deathsticks. But he will make you go home and rethink your life.
26) Kyle Katarn puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
27) Kyle Katarn has only one pick-up line: "Now".
28) People frequently say that there are two types of people: people Kyle Katarn has killed, and people Kyle Katarn is going to kill. This is simply incorrect. It was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. They're all dead by now. All of them.
29) There is nothing to fear but fear itself...and Kyle Katarn.
30) Kyle Katarn does not sleep. He waits.
Feel free to elaborate on the theme, or attempt something else.
Since a lot of folks may not have much of a reason to be RPing at the moment, either because they can't invest the time or aren't part of any major storylines, I figured I should open up a thread that folks can visit in passing.
And since I enjoy a good laugh, I figured I'd approach the humor angle (also because I have fond memories of the "Star Wars Quotes" thread on starwars.com, back in the day).
Thus, to get the party rolling, I present you with Kyle Katarn Facts!
1) Underneath Kyle Katarn's beard, there is no chin - Just another Bryar pistol.
2) In Dark Forces I and II, if Kyle Katarn is killed, he respawns. This is not a game mechanic, but historical fact.
3) In space, no one can hear you scream...except for Kyle Katarn, which is why he makes you do it.
4) The Sun Crusher was developed as a humane alternative to Kyle Katarn.
5) Kyle Katarn wins at Dejarik by using initiative: He pulls the arms off of wookies first.
6) FOX wanted to make an Aliens vs. Predator vs. Kyle Katarn movie. The movie never got made, because - let's be honest - no one wants to see a 13 second movie.
7) Kyle Katarn eats Ewoks and osiks lightsaber crystals.
8) Stormtrooper armor isn't camouflaged as a courtesy to Kyle Katarn. Stormtroopers realize they are simply delaying the inevitable, and don't want to waste Kyle's precious time.
9) In Dark Forces II, inputting certain keywords allows Kyle to fly, become invincible and use both sides of the Force to their full potential. This is called "cheat mode" in the game, but more accurately it is called "historical reenactment mode"
10) When Obi-Wan said that the Force surrounds us, penetrates us and binds the galaxy together, he was actually talking about Kyle Katarn. I'll let you figure out the details.
11) Kyle does not have visions of the future. This would imply the future is "revealing" itself to Kyle. Kyle tells the future what it's going to do, and it very damn well does it. The only thing that spontaneously reveals itself to Kyle are women. And he makes that happen, too.
12) Kyle Katarn doesn't know any other languages but Basic. If Kyle is listening to a non-Basic speaker, he turns on the subtitles. All non-Basic speakers quickly learn to understand Kyle, or else.
13) If you are holding a blaster to Kyle Katarn's head, NEVER count to 3. Instead, count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
14) Kyle Katarn never retreats. He simply attacks in the opposite direciton.
15) There's no use crying over spilled blue milk. Unless it's Kyle Katarn's blue milk. Oh, you are so kriffed...
16) There is the wrong way, the right way, and the Kyle Katarn way. It's basically the right way, but faster, with a portable turbolaser, and more dead stormtroopers.
17) As a child, Kyle Katarn taught his dog to play dead....once
18) Kyle Katarn's beard IS the death sentence in 12 systems.
19) Before Greedo ever confronted Han in the Mos Eisley cantina, Kyle Katarn had already shot Greedo first. Greedo was simply too stunned by how awesome it was, that it took him a while to fully realize it.
20) Sarlaccs are actually tapeworms, after they pass through Kyle Katarn.
21) Tatooine used to be a thriving ocean planet. But one day, Kyle Katarn got thirsty.
22) Kyle Katarn jumped the Kessel Run. He doesn't understand why people are so impressed.
23) The armor on AT-ATs is too strong for blasters. It is NOT too strong for Kyle Katarn's beard.
24) There is no emotion; there is Kyle Katarn.
There is no ignorance; there is Kyle Katarn.
There is no passion; there is Kyle Katarn.
There is no chaos; there is Kyle Katarn.
But there IS death --- it's Kyle Katarn.
25) Kyle Katarn won't sell you deathsticks. But he will make you go home and rethink your life.
26) Kyle Katarn puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
27) Kyle Katarn has only one pick-up line: "Now".
28) People frequently say that there are two types of people: people Kyle Katarn has killed, and people Kyle Katarn is going to kill. This is simply incorrect. It was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. They're all dead by now. All of them.
29) There is nothing to fear but fear itself...and Kyle Katarn.
30) Kyle Katarn does not sleep. He waits.
Feel free to elaborate on the theme, or attempt something else.
